Listen, if you’ve ever dreamed of strolling through your local park and having people scatter like you're leading a federal raid—this vest is for you. I threw it on to check some drone footage and ended up accidentally detaining the confidence of an entire neighborhood.
I’ve never been asked “Do you have a warrant?” more times in one afternoon. One guy tried to show me his green card before I even said hello. Kids stopped riding their bikes. A Chihuahua dropped its leash and just gave up.
It has just the right number of pockets, a vaguely authoritarian color scheme, and a tactical vibe that says, “I work for a federal agency you’ve never heard of, and no, I’m not allowed to smile.” I don’t work for ICE, but this vest makes me look like I run ICE. All that, and it holds snacks.
Will buy another in case I lose this one to an actual agent asking why I’m impersonating the Department of Homeland Drip.
